At a birthday recently, we were playing a drinking game when someone asked: “What’s the kinkiest thing you like during sex?”
One friend shrugged and said, “It’s not really that kinky… but I guess choking.”
No one reacted. The conversation just moved on.
And I remember thinking — wait… since when is that “not that kinky”?
Choking during sex — or more accurately, strangulation — cuts off oxygen to the brain. It creates lightheadedness, which some people associate with heightened pleasure. When you actually spell it out, it sounds extreme. But in reality, it’s often just a hand around the neck in an intimate moment — something that’s quietly become normalised.
That’s the issue.
What used to be considered a clear “kink” has slipped into the mainstream, especially among young people. So much so that it’s often assumed to be okay — even without consent.
Studies back this up. In Poland, around 2 in 5 women report being choked during sex, and similar numbers of men report doing it. Among younger people, the numbers are even higher. Another study found over half of female college students had experienced it.
Some enjoy it. But many don’t — and still go along with it.
That’s where things get complicated. Because consent isn’t always as clear as “yes” or “no.” Sometimes it’s shaped by pressure, expectation, or the idea that this is just what people do now.
I once had someone casually put their hand around my neck while we were kissing. When I asked why, he said, “I thought you’d like it.”
He wasn’t trying to be harmful — just following a script he assumed was normal.
And that’s the real problem.
This isn’t about shaming anyone’s preferences. It’s about questioning how something so intense became so expected — and whether people are actually choosing it, or just going along with it.
Because if your “consent” comes from feeling like you should want it…
Is it really yours?
